i am efficient. at a few things. and when others aren’t so efficient at these same things, i get a little irritated.

peeing in public restrooms

why is it that i could paint my nails, drink a coke zero and perfect my one-handed handstand in the time it takes some people to use a public restroom. i like to think that i make more friends due to my efficiency in the bathroom. i always make sure to make eye-contact with those in line on my way out: “yes, i am just that fast. you’re welcome.”

come on people, you have been trained at this since the age of 2. get it together.

turning right

if i am truly honest, there is a part of me that dies each time i have to slam on my brakes so my fellow neighbor can turn right. is it absolutely necessary to start stopping 3 blocks away from the corner you plan on turning? i promise, efficiently turning right is worth it (also, please feel free to use your blinker at any time).

taking a shower

no exaggeration here. i have a reputation for being a fast shower-taker. no need to waste time here. face wash? check. shampoo? check. conditioner? check. body wash? usually check. shave? down to an art. is it possible to shower in 3 – 5 minutes and come out clean? for an efficient shower-er, the answer is a wet-headed yes.

I remember doing a project in elementary school where we were talking about “turning over a new leaf.”

We went looking for pretty fall leaves (not that we had a lot of variety in our N. California climate) and we chose one that represented us. We then spent time writing about what we wanted to change in our lives. I probably said something like “I plan on turning over a new leaf by doing the dishes and talking less.”

…honestly, not a whole lot has changed.

But that year of my life started something in me that pays attention to the changing of the seasons. I began to see how faithful our Creator is in each turn. Summer goes to rest in the fall. Fall fades into winter. And winter always points to spring. I also started to pay attention to the key turning points in my life. Every season marks change: death to one thing and life for another. Seasons in life work that way, too. Death to life and then life to death again.

As the beauty of spring surrounds me, I am reminded that there is beauty in this quiet season of my own life. In 2 Cor., Paul reminded me that although it often feels that outwardly I am wasting away, inwardly I am being renewed day by day. Death to life.

What leaf am I turning over in this season? Believe God. Do not fear. Rest. Seasons always change. No season is forever.

…welcome, spring.

O Restless heart–beating against the prison bars of your circumstances and longing for a wider realm of usefulness–allow God to direct all your days. Patience and trust, even in the midst of the monotony of your daily routine, will be the best preparation to courageously handle the stress and strain of a greater opportunity, which God may someday send.

I’ll stay where You’ve put me; I will, dear Lord,

Though I wanted so badly to go;

I was eager to march with the “rank and file,”

Yes, I wanted to lead them, you know.

I planed to keep step to the music loud,

To cheer when the banner unfulred,

To stand in the midst of the fight straight and proud,

But I’ll stay where You’ve put me.

I’ll stay where You’ve put me; I’ll work, dear Lord,

Though the field be narrow and small,

And the ground be neglected, and stones lie thick,

And there seems to be no life at all.

The field is Your own, only give me the seed,

I’ll sow it with never a fear;

I’ll till the dry soil while I wait for the rain,

And rejoice when the green blades appear;

I’ll work where You’ve put me.

I’ll stay where You’ve put me; I will, dear Lord;

I’ll bear the day’s burden and heat,

Always trusting You fully; when sunset has come

I’ll lay stalks of grain at Your feet.

And then, when my earth work is ended and done,

In the light of eternity’s glow,

Life’s record all closed, I surely will find

It was better to stay than to go;

I’ll stay where You’ve put me.

streams in the desert. 3/17

it isn’t so much that i don’t like to work out, it just seems pointless when i am inside. running towards a wall? what’s the point?

so on the off days that i make it to my local Y, i have a favorite spot. 3 staircases up, there is a row of elliptical machines and treadmills that face the charlotte skyline. it is the only place where i can run in place and feel like i have a change of scenery. somehow, watching the city-world go by is a perfect way to get out of my head and into “the zone.”

about 10 minutes into my workout today, the light began to change. and 10 minutes later, it changed again. the sun was setting and the glass told the minute by minute tale of how it was going down. i started to feel like i needed to run faster…that somehow that would help me to escape the dark. it didn’t. the light would go, no matter how fast i run. (side note…PTL for daylight savings coming soon!)

persevere. this season in my life requires me to persevere. and sometimes, perseverance is running in place, watching the light fade around the city and knowing that tomorrow it will be light again.

so i broke my coccyx.

i know, i know, it isn’t surprising to hear that i fell. during a typical day at work, i drop pencils, spill food, lose my train of thought from my textbook to the board and somehow i manage to throw whiteboard markers halfway across the room during a multiplication problem.

it was icy outside, my feet were wet…and i fell.

i never knew it could be so painful to sit, to stand, to drive, to move, to pee…well, you get the idea. NOT FUN.

but i was thinking, sometimes we really do just need a “kick in the butt” to help us readjust aspects of our life that are just not quite good for us. i have noticed that i try to do most things fast. this makes the sitting, standing, and all of the above even more painful. surprisingly, slowing down allows me to avoid the maximum amount of pain.

just reminded that sometimes i just need to slow down. reminded that even really painful things heal.

oh, and am reminded that i need to stop falling all the time.

indeed, the Lord will comfort Zion,

He will comfort all her waste places.

and her wilderness He will make like Eden,

and her desert like the garden of the Lord;

joy and gladness will be found in her,

thanksgiving & sound of a melody

.isaiah 51:3.

how beautiful is the picture of a powerful God, the God of the desert to His people in the OT, who comforts his people with the promise of abundance in the wilderness. i’m wondering if this picture of Eden in the midst of a barren land was as hard for them to imagine as it is for me.

the Lord promises to comfort his people. He promises to be God, to a rebellious people that He desperately loves.

thankful for this picture of restoration: of joy, gladness, thanksgiving…and comfort until then.

so, in no particular order…here are 28 goals for the next 28 days before i turn 28.

28 days to 28:

beginning January 14, 2011

1. Take a bubble bath
2. Paper Art
3. DIY flower Garlands
4. Play my guitar (learn each major chord A-G)
5. Volunteer at the UMC
6. Listen to a Tim Keller sermon
7. Cook dinner for my roommates
8. Try one new dessert recipe (from Smittenkitchen)
9. Write a friend who lives far away
10. Go on a photo shoot
11. Finish The Tipping Point
12. Run 4 miles
13. Go to a play or a live show in CLT
14. Try a new class at the Y
    
15. Paint the Wooden Mirror
16. Make a Mosaic
17. Get a Massage
18. Complete a Crossword
19. Eat at Pinky’s
20. Make Chili
21. Make a pastel picture I’m proud of
22. Start a new journal with a vision for age 28
23. Schedule a date with Jessica Smartt
24. Schedule a date with Julie Chittock
25. Paint my nails
26. Watch Modern Family
27. Make 3 handmade cards
28. Go for a walk at Freedom Park

-Jim Elliot

Job cries out, in chapter 6: “what strength do i have, that i should still hope? what prospects, that i should be patient?”

when sadness creeps in, it often mangles whatever strength we have left to hope.

but:

I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

.psalm 27.

waiting for the Lord.